Do You Need An Energy Shift?

Does Your Co-Parenting Need Some Help?

A Dose of Savvy…

I feel like the Fall friendzy is just around the corner! I just finished going through the calendar from now through the end of 2010 with my former husband, filling in the weekend and holiday and school schedules. Even though two will be away at college, they are still on the schedule… getting to school, Parents’ Weekends, getting to and from school for holidays. And then there are Back-to-School nights, sports schedules, SATs and college visits for my two high-schoolers.

I hear from single moms all the time about the frustrations and stresses of co-parenting. Many times the challenge isn’t just in making the schedules; it’s in sticking to the schedule, as well as the poor communication between the parents that makes things complicated.

Between custody, school, activity, and vacation schedules and day-to-day life, it can get tough to keep track of it all while trying to work and run a household. Things may be missed or even forgotten, schedules may be switched at the last minute, and in some cases one parent has been known to keep information from the other parent. Unfortunately, this only hurts the children!

If you need help with communicating information and family schedules, or even expenses, I recently came across a resource that can literally change your life! Our Family Wizard is an online information manager that allows you to easily schedule and track parenting schedules, share important family information and expenses, as well as create clear communication. Both parents, as well as the children, can have access to the system which includes the family calendar, message boards, private and shared journals, expense logs, and a family information bank (for vital information such as school information, emergency contacts, health care providers and health information). Money can also be transferred for expenses and is logged for future reference.

If you’re not divorced yet, you can even use the system as you create your family plan. Our Family Wizard has common plans already in place that you can choose. Courts in over 35 states have ordered that the parties use this system in contested cases.

Life as a single parent is not always easy so take advantage of any resources that can simplify things. The Our Family Wizard system protects kids by keeping them out of the middle and reduces divorce conflict between you and the other parent by eliminating miscommunication, reducing stress, and avoiding arguments. Ultimately, though, it allows you to focus on and improve your parenting!

Have You Made a Breakthrough in Your Life After Divorce?

A Dose of  Savvy…

Is Your Negative Self-Talk Holding You Back in Your Life After Divorce?

Are You Taking Advantage of the Recession?

A Dose of Professional Savvy…

Did you know that, according to The Center for Women’s Business Research, women are opening businesses at twice the rate of men? From the beginning of time, women have shown their entrepreneurial spirit by starting businesses either in or out of the home.

Believe it or not, a recession is a perfect time to start your own business! Most successful businesses have been started during a recession, and many even during the Great Depression. Trader Joe’s, Apple, and Revlon were all started during recessions and many businesses continue to thrive despite the recessions. Just look at Pay Pal!

During tough economic times people seem to become more creative and resourceful., which is something we, as divorced women, have learned well. Hungry to succeed on our own, we are open to all our options. So, why not you? Why not take advantage of the recession to follow your passion and start your own business?

First, though, you must determine if you have the personality to be an entrepreneur. Are you a risk taker? Are you willing to invest in yourself and your business? Are you ready and able to work long hours for little or no pay initially? Many of us are, and do just that, in order to follow our dreams.  Sometimes doing what you love just doesn’t seem like work; but the reality is, you still have to pay the rent or mortgage and feed your family. Make sure you are ready with a good business and financial plan, and are committed to doing whatever it takes to make your business successful.

Many communities have a small business center that caters to women looking to start their own business. They will assist you in launching your business, taking it from business concept to business plan with workshops, seminars, and coaching. Many of these resources are free or low-cost so be sure to take advantage of this support. Many local business women volunteer in these organizations to mentor aspiring entrepreneurs. Call your local Chamber of Commerce or do a search on your local area for “Women’s Business Center”.  You might be shocked at who you will find to assist you!

If you have always dreamed of starting your own business, make sure you have a plan, get your finances in order, and move forward. Do not allow a recession to stop you because it may just be the very best time to get your business started successfully. Join the many other divorced women who are finding economic independence through entrepreneurship!

For additional support in starting or growing your business, I encourage you to take advantage of the information shared by the 12 Top Experts  who participated in my Savvy Divorced Chicks Online Biz Bootcamp. Click here for all the details! 

How’s Your Financial Independence in Your Life After Divorce?

A Dose of Financial Savvy…

Many women find that their standard of living dramatically decreases after going through a divorce.  Though there are many factors that go into that (including family size, custody arrangements, alimony & child support, career, child care, & household expenses), your relationship with money may also be preventing you from having financial independence after your divorce. Regardless of their divorce settlement, many women fail to make their lives better. 

Money affects all the areas of our lives. We actually have a personal relationship with money and it starts at an early age. We receive messages about money from our parents, which often continue to influence us in our adult lives. Our unconscious beliefs and patterns about money can often cause stress, anxiety, and fear. How we view ourselves with money plays directly into how we choose to use our money. However, when we become aware of our money habits and behaviors (how we think, feel and react to money), we can make happier and healthier choices.

Regardless of your financial situation, you can change your relationship with money so that you can get the most out of what money you have now.

1. Rather than focusing on everything you don’t have, focus on the gifts you do have and be grateful!

Change your money mindset! Choose to be fully empowered personally and financially. What we focus on, we tend to attract. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people. Be grateful for what you do have in your life (both the people and the material things) and occasionally treat yourself to a gift.

2. Create a detailed budget

Write down everything. If you intend to buy a triple mocha latte ever day, or twice a day, put that in the budget. Nothing is too small, not even a pack of gum. You’re going to plan to buy it so it goes into the budget. Make sure you follow your budget. Make your plan and stick to it!

3. Earn More Money

If you need more money, earn more, do not borrow more. The single thing that gets most people in trouble is so simple, but many of us do it anyway. We spend more than we earn. We live above our means. Instead of finding a way to make more money, we find a way to get more credit, thus making matters worse. Be creative in looking for ways you can supplement your current income.

4. Save Money and Invest Money

In your budget you must have a set amount that goes to savings each month. You’ve heard it before, you know it is true…pay yourself first! Aside from general saving, you should invest some money long term each month too. Make sure you seek the advice and experience of a financial advisor. I know it is a recession right now, but there are still some excellent investments. Remember that the greatest generation on earth suffered a depression, and today they are better off than the rest of us.

By taking control over these factors, you can change your relationship with money to a point where you feel a freedom that you may never have felt before. By accepting that you cannot afford to buy that new pair of expensive shoes today, but you can afford to buy them in a few months after you save the money, you will create a situation where you have power over the money rather than the money having power over you. Don’t limit yourself from living the fulfilling and prosperous life you desire.

If you are really ready to take action with your finances and are really serious about eliminating your debt, check out Bruce Ammon’s Debtonator Course at http://bit.ly/9yWtrs.

Do You Know About the New Credit Card Laws?

Wednesday’s Dose of Financial Savvy…

It is inevitable that our finances are affected in a divorce. Unfortunately many women find themselves resorting to using credit cards in their life after divorce. Credit card companies have become known for their sneaky practices of raising rates and shortening grace periods without the customer knowing, and ultimately negatively affecting consumers’ credit scores.

Fortunately the government is addressing some of these credit card issues. Some new laws went into effect this week as part of the Credit CARD Act of 2009.  Some of the major changes include…        

*  Credit card companies cannot raise your rate on your current balance unless your promotional rate has ended or you are more than 60 days delinquent on your account.               

*  Credit card companies must notify customers 45 days in advance if their rate will be going up and then it only applies to the new charges.  Customers have the option of opting out by closing their account and then they continue to pay the old rate until it is paid off.  Unfortunately, though, there is not cap on the rates.                                                                                                           

*  Anyone under age 21 applying for a credit card  must have a co-signer 21 or older if they cannot prove they have the independent income required to be approved.

Though these new laws will better protect consumers, experts predict that there will be some repercussions such as higher annual fees; fewer promotional offers with low introductory interest rates; fewer perks such as gifts and miles; and tighter credit card approval standards.  The best strategy to protect yourself  is to take responsibility for your own financial savvy and use your credit cards wisely to develop healthy spending habits.

Here are a few simple tips to keep you out of credit card trouble and avoid “giving away your money” by paying unnecessary interest…

* Make it a habit not to use your credit card to make “necessity” purchases. This includes  food, gas and clothing. Buying simple everyday items on credit can easily develop into a bad habit of substituting  your credit card for cash. By always using  your cash or debit card, you will avoid paying any interest on your every day purchases.

* Do not apply for multiple credit cards. This will give you a false sense of financial security and ultimately get you in trouble when you cannot pay off the balances.

* Try to develop a habit of paying off your credit card(s) each month. If that’s not possible, be sure to pay off more than the minimum-only payment(s). When you make the minimum payment(s) each month, you are not only increasing the length of time it will take for you to pay off your debt, but also increasing the overall amount of interest you will pay.

* Make it a habit not to use your credit card to buy things you cannot afford. Living off borrowed money only gets you into debt and financial trouble.  Learn to make disciplined decisions when it comes to buying items you “need” versus  those you simply “want.”

* Always  let your creditor(s) know in advance if you are having financial challenges and will not  be able to pay your monthly payment(s) on time.
If you are honest about the situation and show good intent, most creditors will be willing to offer some type of temporary assistance or at least wave the late fees. It is crucial that you address this before the payments are late, though. 

* Do not exceed with your credit limit! You should aim to stay under 50% of your total credit limit. A  major part of your credit score reflects the quantity of the debt you actually have as compared to the amount you have available to you. Therefore,  it is important to keep your balance(s) low in order to preserve  good credit standing.

Making poor purchasing decisions and being irresponsible with your credit after divorce has long-term effects on you and your children. These habits will ultimately affect your ability to make those “big” purchases down the road such as a new car or a new home. Poor credit now affects future interest rates for mortgages and car loans, but also for everyday expenses such as car, homeowners, and health insurance!

Sometimes We Just Have to Put on the Cute Dress…Even if We Don’t Feel Like It!

Tuesday’s Dose of Outer Savvy…

The weather here in Connecticut is just dreary this week…dark, cold, and heavy rains with a big snow storm predicted as we head toward the weekend. Suffice it to say that the last thing I felt like doing was getting dressed up and going to a cocktail party! 

It was my annual garden club cocktail party in the town where I used to live before I moved to Southport with my kids 5 years ago.  Though it has become tougher to be involved from a distance over the years, I have remained an “affiliate” member and do participate in some of the civic, conservation, and horticulture  activites during the year, while admiring the incredible creativity and talent of my flower arranging friends who enter all the shows.

The women in this organization have been my close friends over the past 20 years, despite the fact that many grew up with my former husband (and some of  the older members were friends with his parents!). These were some of my strongest supporters when I was going through my divorce helping me to keep my self-esteem in tact. They would have done anything to help me during those dark days and I truly treasure these friendships!!

So despite the weather, and feeling sort of blah because of it, I put on a cute dark red dress and black suede boots, made my hors d’oeuvres, and braved the hideous weather on I95. I am so glad I made the decision!

I had a great time catching up and making plans with friends I hadn’t seen in a while. Turns out one friend, who is also divorced, has a freshman at the same university as my son so we can now coordinate vacation rides. A highlight of the night, though…a friend asked me if I had had a “peel” because she thought my skin looked so good! No peels, just lots of moisturizer before bed!!

As I drove back home afterwards, I realized the night was just the shot of energy I had needed on a dreary, cold winter evening. We can easily get caught in the busyness of our daily routines and find excuses not to get out…the weather, we’re too tired, we don’t want to go to a couples party alone, etc. Sometimes, though, we just need to put on that cute dress and get out of the house…even if we don’t feel like it. Besides, you never know who you will run into  when you’re looking and feeling great!

Do You Have the Olympic Mindset?

Monday’s Dose of Inner Savvy…

My teenage son and daughter and I have been watching  the Olympics for the past 10 days and thoroughly enjoying it! It has been a great way to hang out as a family once we’ve gotten through after-school hockey and play practice, dinner, and homework.

In addition to the intense competition, I  love the behind-the scenes stories of the athletes…the challenges they (and their families) have overcome; the sacrifices they have made; the pride they feel for their countries; and the pureness of competing for the love of the sport, not because of any amount of money. Clearly these athletes have earned their status as the best athletes in the world. As I’ve watched them, I realize it takes much more than just skill to be in the Olympics…it also takes an “Olympic Mindset” to compete at that level.

When I see the joy in the Olympians faces, it occurs to me how we should all have that same kind of joy in our lives! Though it may seem difficult in our life after divorce, we can have that same joy if we just adopt the Olympic mindset in going after what we want. Here are the characteristics I’ve noticed that we can also apply to our lives…

1. Resilience…An athlete may not have a great race or game or competition every time, but they are able to celebrate the victories and move on to the next competition. In life after divorce, we are forced to deal with adversity. Only by letting go of the past can we truly bounce back and move into our future.

2. Positive Perspective…An athlete’s training focuses on repeating what they do right to perform at their highest level (ultimately eliminating any bad habits), as well as their inner belief that they can and will accomplish their ultimate goals. In order to find true joy in our life after divorce, we need to to rid ourselves of the negative emotions, fears, and limiting beliefs we sometimes carry around.

3. Personal Power…The athlete is really the only one who can control their performance and outcome. Just as they must find and exude an inner strength and confidence, so must we. It is crucial that you rediscover you…who you are and who you want to be as you recreate your life after divorce.

4. Commitment…Developing into an Olympic athlete does not come without personal sacrifice, but that is part of achieving the goal. We also need to make a commitment to do the personal development work necessary to be able to shift our old patterns and choices to achieve more inner peace, confidence, health, abundance, and positive interpersonal relationships.

5. Support…Just as an athlete is supported by their coach and teammates, it is important for us to have emotional support in our journey of transformation. Don’t be too proud to ask friends or family to help you when you need a break from your kids, or contacts when looking for a new job, or help moving a piece of furniture…they want to be there for you! You may also feel you need more professional help so empower yourself and seek out the resources of a support group, a therapist, or a coach.

6. Intense Focus: Keep the End in Mind…The Olympic athlete has the ultimate goal of going for the gold. All of their habits…healthy eating, mentally preparing, keeping in shape, a rigorous practice schedule…focus on that goal. In our life after divorce, to tuly have a life that is “better, not bitter,” we need to intensely focus on our personal development, health & wellness, finances, career & business, and relationships.

Enjoy the rest of the Olympics! I’d love to hear how you’re applying the “Olympic mindset” in your life after divorce.

Tiger’s Public Apology

Friday’s Dose of Relationship Savvy…

It was impossible today to turn the radio or TV on without hearing about Tiger Wood’s big press conference. Personally, I’m a little tired of public apologies for infidelity. John Edwards,  Mark Sanford, and now Tiger…all public figures who abused their positions because they could.  They all said they were sorry, but I would also guess they’re just as sorry they got caught.

I didn’t watch Tiger’s press conference, but did see a few clips afterwards. There were a few things that struck me…

First, I can’t imagine the pain, the hurt, the humiliation that his wife Elin has endured. No woman (or man), no matter how strained their marriage may be, deserves the complete disrepect of infidelity. I have never understood how a woman could knowingly have an affair with another woman’s husband, especially when there are children involved…but maybe that’s because I believe in empowering other women. The answer to relationship problems is never found in the arms of someone else; only from looking deep within.

Second, as I heard  Tiger apologizing to Elin, it occurred to me how many women (and men) never get an apology, either because the cheating spouse doesn’t get caught or because, if they do, the other spouse is made to feel that it was somehow their fault. They are not as attractive or fun or smart or exciting as the paramour. And it’s not just the affair they deserve an apology for, but also for the trust, the pillar of a relationship,  that is destroyed as a result.

Third, and probably the most significant part of Tiger’s speech to me, was how he admitted that he felt “entitled” to do what he did. While it’s easy for celebrities to feel entitled, it occurred to me how many non-celebrities also feel entitiled. As a single mom of four, I am determined that my children, especially my three boys, will not grow into adults who feel they are entitled to do what they want when they want. They will grow to understand they are not their own highest beings. I have made faith a priority in our lives, but given the world we live in it’s a challenge for all parents, and especially single parents, to raise compassionate children with a conscience.

Clearly infidelity is a heated topic and most people have some opinion about Tiger’s behavior and subsequent apology. It’s sad to me how many families today are destroyed by the deceit of infidelity and the illusion that the grass is always greener on the other side. Only time will tell if Elin and Tiger will become another divorced statistic.

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