The Importance of Self Care in Your Life After Divorce

Taking care of yourself is important all the time, but even more so in your life after divorce. As women and mothers we tend to take care of everyone else first. The fact is, though, that we are special and we do deserve to pamper ourselves, despite our busy lives where finding “me” time seems impossible. By taking just a few minutes each day to focus on yourself, you will begin to experience the love and appreciation you deserve, in addition to reducing stress and gaining better control over your emotions. Ultimately taking care of yourself will enable you to make better decisions for yourself and your children in the future.

There are a number of simple things you can do to improve your self care. Overall healthy habits are vital. They will keep your spirits up, promote general well-being, and provide a great example for your children. Getting plenty of sleep on a daily basis and eating a healthy diet will help you look and feel your best. When you feel good physically, you feel even better emotionally.

 

Establishing a regular exercise routine is imperative. Exercise promotes physical fitness and a healthy heart, but it also releases the “feel good” endorphins that last long after the physical activity has ended. If you’ve always included exercise as part of your daily routine, consider trying something new! Joining a gym, taking a new exercise class, or joining a group that walks, runs, bikes, or hikes will not only add some variety to your exercise routine, but will also enable you to meet new people.

 

Caring for yourself can be fun! Consider reinventing your look. You can make a small change, like a new haircut, or go all out with a hair, makeup, and wardrobe makeover– the choice is yours. Getting help from professionals makes it a special treat, and you can do so fairly inexpensively if you do your homework. You will be amazed at how your new look refines your personal style and refreshes your perspective.

 

An often overlooked, but necessary aspect of caring for yourself is giving yourself some time on a regular basis. It is so easy to get caught up your day to day responsibilities of life, but if you end each day without so much as a few minutes of quiet time where you can collect your thoughts, you will never fully unwind or de-stress. Consider journaling your thoughts each day, or going for a walk, or meditating. Giving yourself time away, both with and without your kids, is also necessary in caring for yourself.

 

Most importantly, make sure you have a strong support system in your life after divorce. Care for yourself enough to accept help and support from friends and family at home and at work. If your family offers to watch the children so you can go out to dinner with friends – thank them and go! You may also need some help working through your feelings and getting yourself back on track emotionally. Don’t hesitate to seek friends’ or professional advice if needed.

 

Caring for ourselves is something many of us take for granted. When our basic needs are met, we can easily forget about all of the other necessities for living a healthy lifestyle. As you continue to rebuild your life after a divorce, there will never be a more important time than now to take the extra step in pampering and caring for yourself physically and emotionally. Take advantage of this opportunity to redefine your life on your terms and you will find you are one step closer to re-establishing your self-esteem. You will be pleasantly surprised by how you will start to attract great things into your life!

Financially Savvy Moves in Your Life After Divorce

Life after divorce usually presents financial challenges. This is especially true for women. According to The Marriage Project at Rutgers University, the first year after divorce a woman’s standard of living will drop 27% while a man’s will actually increase by as much as 10%!

 

Money management can often be overwhelming, especially if you did not have a proactive role in your family’s finances during your marriage, except to run your household. It is imperative that, as the head of the household, you now see your financial picture clearly and set realistic financial goals for a sense of control, security, and confidence in your life after divorce.

 

Here are some tips to enhance your “financial savvy”…

 

Investigate Your Credit

This is one of the most crucial parts of your financial picture! Your credit score will determine all future credit you are qualified for including a mortgage, credit cards, and even health and auto insurance. As a single woman, you will now be living on your own terms and with your own credit score. By law you are entitled to an annual free credit report form the three main credit bureaus. You can get this by going to www.annualcreditreport.com. Make sure the listings are accurate and that you deal with any of the negative items that may have followed you from your marriage. This may require diligently writing letters and following up with phone calls until your credit reports are as accurate as possible, but this inconvenience will be small compared to the price you can pay for poor credit scores. Make it a habit to be responsible and timely with all your future bills because you can no longer rely on your former spouse’s credit.

 

Establish A Realistic Budget

When you went through the divorce process you were probably required to submit an accounting of your household spending as part of your financial affidavit. Most likely you have a substantially different household income in your life after divorce. Establishing a new budget will not only enable you to live within your new means, but also allow you to find potential areas of unnecessary spending to pay off debt and begin to save for your future. As you develop your budget, include all annual expenses including mortgage/rent, utilities, food, auto & gas, in additon to home/ health/life insurance, potential home & car repairs, local/state/ federal taxes, and kids’ activities. Take your total expenses for the year and divide by 12 to determine your monthly expenses. If your monthly income does not cover your expenses, you will need to make some hard decisions of where you can cut back, at least emporarily until you can increase your income. To keep accurate records you may want to use Quicken or another financial management program.

 

Deal With Your Debt

Most women end up with credit card debt in their life after divorce. While credit cards can help you establish good credit with on-time payments, they can also get you into trouble if you are living beyond your means. As you outline your expenses, try to notice areas where you can “trim the fat.” We all deserve a little pampering, but there are always areas that add up! Are you spending $20 a week on Starbucks? Could you replace a girls’ nite out with a girls’ nite at home where everyone brings wine and an hors d’oeurvres? Use the money you save to pay extra toward your credit card payment. If you have more than one credit card, pay the extra payment toward the one with the highest interest rate and keep paying extra on that one until you have a zero balance. Continue to do this with each card until your credit card debt is paid off. In the meantime, try to pay for purchases with cash, check, or debit card. It will feel so empowering to be credit card debt- free!

 

Invest In Your Future

In addition to self-discipline, the best way to truly take control of your financial future is with the help of professionals. You may or may not have worked with a financial advisor during your divorce, but now that you are on your own your future depends on professional expertise and advice. A financial advisor will help you by developing strategies to achieve your short and long-term financial goals for saving, investing, college planning, retirement, and long-term care. An insurance  professional can give you your best options for health, home, auto, and life insurance. You may have had coverages with your former spouse, but with the help of a new professional you may be able to cut your expenses and you will be working with someone who only has a relationship with you. An estate attorney can help you update your will and educate you about life insurance trusts for your children. It is imperative that you update all beneficiary information on your estate documents including insurance policies, IRA’s, and your will to avoid your estate being left to your former spouse rather than your children, family, friends, or specified charity.

Investigating Your Credit, Establishing A Realistic Budget, Dealing With Debt, and Investing In Your Future…These are important habits for any woman to get into regardless of what the future may bring. As The Women’s Institute for Financial Education teaches, “A Man Is Not a Financial Plan!”

Finding Joy in Your Life After Divorce

Joy is a state of mind, but I have found that joy, gratitude, and a positive attitude can get us through the most trying times. With all the things women must do to raise children, maintain a household, and work to support them, a joyful spirit is vital! So how can you find joy in your life after divorce? Try starting here…

Tap Into Your Inner Savvy~

There is no doubt that divorce is difficult and regardless which side you fall on, negative emotions have built up inside you over time. Negative emotions such as anger, resentment, loneliness, and overwhelm zap your energy, rock your inner foundation, and cause you to live inauthentically. Unfortunately these negative emotions can linger long after the divorce is final. A strong mindset and authenticity are crucial to a joyful life. Focus on your strengths and watch your sense of value rise. You can’t attract joy into your life until you believe you deserve it!

Discover Your Outer Savvy~

You may have spent years pleasing someone else, including how you dressed and how you decorated your home…and you may not have even realized it. But now it’s your time…time to create an environment that expresses you! Take a look at what your current environment is saying about you…is it supporting your positive outlook for the future? Chances are, probably not, since women tend to put themselves last. Changes don’t have to be expensive; they just need to make you feel good! To subsidize your new look, try consigning your furniture or selling through your local newspaper or craigslist. For less expensive changes, choose new wall colors, rearrange your furniture, or add some pillows or other accessories. You will be amazed at how much joy you can get from just a few small changes in your environment.

Redefine Your Financial Savvy~

You may or may not have dealt with the family finances in your married life. Either way, there’s no escaping it now! The more financially savvy you feel, the more safe, secure, and confident you will be. Finances can be a source of stress, but especially during these times of economic change, it is imperative that you maintain a positive mindset about your future. Though the stock market and housing values have dropped, you still have much to be grateful for! Spend time focusing on all you have including family, friendships, love, and health and you will soon realize that you are more wealthy than you could have dreamed…with or without any investments.

Rediscover Your Professional Savvy~

You may have been working full-time for years, or you may be re-entering the working world after many years home with children. Either way, now is a time for self-discovery and re-evaluation of your professional aspirations. The best place to start is looking deep inside yourself to see what your unique gifts are and what you are passionate about. You will quickly discover how you can best go out into the world, using your gifts to make a difference in your own way. Living your life’s purpose is the only way to find true joy in your professional life.

Transform Your Relationship Savvy~

There is always a sense of mystery that transcends the moment one frees themselves of a destructive relationship. Regardless of whether you or your former spouse made the decision to end your relationship, it would have eventually come to an end. Enjoy the freedom you have been given to discover yourself…it is a gift! As you continue to find inner strength and overcome your own self-doubt, you will feel inspiration, energy, and love for yourself. It is only at this point that you can fully move into a new relationship and find true joy with someone else. You can’t love anyone else authentically until you love yourself…and that is the strongest form of love.