Do You Need An Energy Shift?

Have You Made a Breakthrough in Your Life After Divorce?

A Dose of  Savvy…

Is Your Negative Self-Talk Holding You Back in Your Life After Divorce?

Do You Have the Olympic Mindset?

Monday’s Dose of Inner Savvy…

My teenage son and daughter and I have been watching  the Olympics for the past 10 days and thoroughly enjoying it! It has been a great way to hang out as a family once we’ve gotten through after-school hockey and play practice, dinner, and homework.

In addition to the intense competition, I  love the behind-the scenes stories of the athletes…the challenges they (and their families) have overcome; the sacrifices they have made; the pride they feel for their countries; and the pureness of competing for the love of the sport, not because of any amount of money. Clearly these athletes have earned their status as the best athletes in the world. As I’ve watched them, I realize it takes much more than just skill to be in the Olympics…it also takes an “Olympic Mindset” to compete at that level.

When I see the joy in the Olympians faces, it occurs to me how we should all have that same kind of joy in our lives! Though it may seem difficult in our life after divorce, we can have that same joy if we just adopt the Olympic mindset in going after what we want. Here are the characteristics I’ve noticed that we can also apply to our lives…

1. Resilience…An athlete may not have a great race or game or competition every time, but they are able to celebrate the victories and move on to the next competition. In life after divorce, we are forced to deal with adversity. Only by letting go of the past can we truly bounce back and move into our future.

2. Positive Perspective…An athlete’s training focuses on repeating what they do right to perform at their highest level (ultimately eliminating any bad habits), as well as their inner belief that they can and will accomplish their ultimate goals. In order to find true joy in our life after divorce, we need to to rid ourselves of the negative emotions, fears, and limiting beliefs we sometimes carry around.

3. Personal Power…The athlete is really the only one who can control their performance and outcome. Just as they must find and exude an inner strength and confidence, so must we. It is crucial that you rediscover you…who you are and who you want to be as you recreate your life after divorce.

4. Commitment…Developing into an Olympic athlete does not come without personal sacrifice, but that is part of achieving the goal. We also need to make a commitment to do the personal development work necessary to be able to shift our old patterns and choices to achieve more inner peace, confidence, health, abundance, and positive interpersonal relationships.

5. Support…Just as an athlete is supported by their coach and teammates, it is important for us to have emotional support in our journey of transformation. Don’t be too proud to ask friends or family to help you when you need a break from your kids, or contacts when looking for a new job, or help moving a piece of furniture…they want to be there for you! You may also feel you need more professional help so empower yourself and seek out the resources of a support group, a therapist, or a coach.

6. Intense Focus: Keep the End in Mind…The Olympic athlete has the ultimate goal of going for the gold. All of their habits…healthy eating, mentally preparing, keeping in shape, a rigorous practice schedule…focus on that goal. In our life after divorce, to tuly have a life that is “better, not bitter,” we need to intensely focus on our personal development, health & wellness, finances, career & business, and relationships.

Enjoy the rest of the Olympics! I’d love to hear how you’re applying the “Olympic mindset” in your life after divorce.

It’s All About Your Perspective!

Monday’s Dose of Inner Savvy…

I don’t remember ever spending a Valentine’s Day alone. It wasn’t really meant to be…it just sort of evolved that way this year. And that was okay!

My two younger kids had gone to their dad’s late Saturday afternoon to spend the night and were supposed to be coming home Sunday afternoon. I was busy working on the computer all day Sunday…surrounded by piles of paper with all the tax info I needed to complete the FAFSA forms for my older two sons in college. My plan was to have the forms submitted by the time the kids got home so we could go out for a little Valentine’s dinner.

My head was sort of spinning with numbers when the phone rang. It was my 13 year old daughter asking if she could spend the night at her dad’s and go to a dog show in NYC the next morning with her dad’s girlfriend. I could have been upset  because I had made plans for us that evening…or because she was going to do something with her dad’s girlfriend…or because it was Valentine’s Day. But the thing is, I didn’t feel any of that resentment. My daughter loves dogs…she begs me every birthday and Christmas for a cute, adorable one so it didn’t even occur to me to say, “No, I have plans for us.” It would have made her feel badly and put her in the middle of pleasing her mom and doing something she’d really enjoy.

I wasn’t surprised at all by the next call. About two hours later my son called to ask if it was okay for him to stay at his dad’s too. His dad had said he would put him on a train if he wanted to come home, but my son didn’t want to take the train. I could have predicted all of that!

Knowing that I hadn’t made other plans with friends and that I was now alone on Valentine’s Day I could have been hurt and resentful…but I chose not to be! Instead, I enjoyed some “me” time…a quiet night at home, ordering my favorite gournet pizza (which my kids really don’t like anyway) and watching one of my favorite chick flicks, “The Holiday.” The perfect dose of relationship optimism!

As divorced women and single moms, we will always face situations that test our emotions. How we react is really a choice, and sometimes we won’t react the way we wish we had. I could have chosen to focus on not having a Valentine and played “the victim,” but instead I chose to be grateful for the relationships I do have in my life and took advantage of some new-found quiet time. Working through the bitterness from a divorce takes time and some significant personal development work, but life after divorce truly can be better, not bitter…it’s all about your perspective!

Five Savvy Steps To A Better Life After Divorce…Step 1

A Dose of Inner Savvy…
 
Life after divorce is challenging, but also an opportunity to create a new life for you and your children. Negative emotions and self-doubt can often creep in, but a positive mindset can help you find strengths you never knew you had. Tap into your “Inner Savvy” and attract happiness and joy into your life after divorce!
 
I have found that there are “Five Savvy Steps To A Better Life After Divorce.”  I will be sharing these Savvy Steps over the next few weeks with the Savvy Divorced Chicks community. I hope you enjoy the video of Step 1…
 

Savvy Single Parenting

There is no doubt that single parenting is a challenge in our life after divorce, but it can also be one of the most rewarding experiences of our lives. I admit that when my marriage was coming to an end, I was petrified at the thought of raising four kids (three who are boys) on my own. I had grown up the oldest of four girls so I was pretty confident about raising my daughter, but raising boys was truly going to be a challenge!

Eight years later, I am proud to say that I think I have done a pretty good job with all four of my kids. I actually receive regular phone calls and text messages from my college-aged sons and I recently received a complimentary note (along with pictures from my second son’s high school graduation) from my former father-in-law! This is not to say I have not had to deal with any challenges or that I have not made mistakes along the way (because I definitely have!!), but my kids have thrived academically, emotionally and socially despite the challenges of a single parent home.  

Here are my tips for having an awesome relationship with your kids…

Care For Yourself

When you are exhausted and overwhelmed physically and emotionally you are no good to anyone, especially your children. It is crucial that you maintain healthy habits by getting enough sleep, eating healthy, and exercising, and also give yourself some “mom time” without your kids. It is also crucial that you forgive yourself and stop beating yourself up for your failed relationship. Look instead at the gifts and lessons you can take from it. Part of caring for yourself is also asking for help when you need it. When you care for yourself, your children can see and feel the difference in your household.

Always Make Your Kids The Priority

Children in single parent homes may subconsciously feel abandoned, rejected, or incompetent. However, no one matters to your child more than you! Know your priorities and show your kids you believe in them and their abilities. Give them the power to believe in themselves. Help them to understand what a crucial part they play in the family by giving them responsibilities. Take an interest in their interests and be there to support them. You may walk out of the elementary school concert with a headache, but you wouldn’t want to miss that ear-to-ear smile when they walk off the stage the first time!

Expose Your Kids to Some Form of Faith

Regardless of your religious beliefs, it is important for kids to have some form of faith in their lives. They need to know that they are not their own highest being. They may choose to have different beliefs as adults, but they will never know unless they have some exposure earlier in life. Faith and spirituality also teach kids to be caring, compassionate, and contributing members of their community.

Set Clear Boundaries & Consequences

Though it may be tempting at times to be their friend rather than their parent, kids need discipline and limits. This not only helps them to keep out of trouble, but also leads to a feeling of self-control and ultimately higher self-esteem and a positive outlook.

When our kids understand how to make lemonade out of lemons they are more equipped to handle the bumps in life which they will inevitably face.

Keep Communication Open

Children learn early on if you are an approachable and emotionally safe parent. Live true to your values and be a good role model. Know your kids’ friends and their families. Don’t be afraid to communicate with your kids about the issues that concern you. Acknowledge their accomplishments and great choices, yet support them with teachable moments when they make mistakes as they test the limits (because they will!). It is also extremely important to acknowledge any negative emotions and affirm how well they are handling them. Open communication with your kids will only improve your relationship.

Make Memories That Will Last

My grandparents were married 57 years and I learned from them the importance of family memories and relationships. Every Sunday after church all 20 grandchildren and our parents would go to my grandparents for “sticky buns and orange juice.” The boys (and occasionally some of the girls) would all play football on their lawn. We can spend all the money in the world on our kids, but if they don’t have strong family relationships they will never truly know how to relate with others. I know my kids will always remember fondue and board games on New Year’s Day, holidays & summer vacations with extended family, and the 2700 mile RV trip I took them on!

Give Lots of Hugs and I Love You’s

What you give, you get back! Don’t be afraid to show your kids, even your teenagers, affection. Though it may be challenging with the media and the values that are portrayed to our kids as important , teach your children about love and respect for others. They will learn to value not only themselves, but also life and will truly enjoy it. Be sure to show them that happiness comes from within and not from anyone or anything else. In the end, happiness is a choice!

Take the High Road With Your Former Spouse

This is probably one of the most challenging parts of being a single parent…the fact that you parent in your home and your former spouse parents in theirs and that there are probably negative emotions that will always linger on some level. If you can at all be on the same page with expectations, privileges and consequences, it will only benefit your children. Kids in single-parent households need permission to talk about the other parent. Be honest and age-appropriate in your discussions, though also use discretion… some things should be left between adults. As difficult as it may be, it is best that your children not hear you disparage the other parent. This only hurts their self-esteem.

Single parenting can be a lonely and exhausting job, but if approached with a positive and open mindset we can empower our kids to develop into happy and competent young adults. When we look back years from now, hopefully we see that the time, love, happiness, and tears were worth it and we can be proud of the impact our kids have had on the world with their unique gifts.

What is Your “Orange Dish Drainer”?

A Dose of Outer Savvy…

I was recently back in the courthouse where my divorce was finalized in January 2002. It wasn’t for any divorce-related issues, but because I had been called for jury duty! I hadn’t really thought about the fact that I was going back to the building where my marriage had officially ended until I pulled into the same parking lot and walked through those same court house doors.

It was great to walk through those doors a different woman than that day in 2002, though… healthier (I had gotten down to 102 lbs!!), happier, more confident, the designer of my new life! I couldn’t help but think a little about how I had gotten “here” as I sat most of the day waiting to be called as a juror.  So how did I get here? 

It all started with a huge dose of personal development!! A friend had invited me to a three day seminar and the second evening happened to fall on my final court date. I had not known that when I registered! Suffice it to say, I was able to shed a lot of tears during some of the exercises. It was the beginning of a new year, but those few days empowered me to realize I had the choice to either be a “victim” of divorce or to truly make it a “new beginning” in every way.

As I began my early journey of inner healing at the event, one of the coaches suggested that I also start to change other things in my life that no longer served me…no matter how small or simple. When I came home that night and walked into my kitchen, I looked at the orange plastic dish drainer with the unmatching pad underneath that had bugged me for years… they were hideously ugly, didn’t match, and, most importantly, didn’t  coordinate with the new, beautifully redesigned kitchen; but my former husband had brought it home one day, so I just lived with it…

The orange dish drainer was the first thing to go! I replaced it with a contemporary, decorative drainer and tray and I still have it eight years later.

I hadn’t thought about that dish drainer for years, though, until I recently read an article on CNN.com about a department store in England that now has “Divorce Registry“. I can’t say that I would actually have registered when I got divorced, but it is true that we lose or “choose to lose” many of the things we take for granted in the day to day life of our marriage.

So maybe divorce registry is a good option…friends, especially our married friends and family, want to help. This might even be a better option to all the blind dates they have for us when we’re not emotionally ready!!

So, I want to know…what is your “orange dish drainer”?  Please share your first step to improving your “Outer Savvy.”

So…Who Is The Savvy Divorced Chick?

No matter where you may be in your life after divorce, you can be a “Savvy Divorced Chick!” You just have to start by making the decision that you want to be better, not bitter! Being savvy in your life after divorce is all about your mindset…your lifestyle… your journey.

Savvy Divorced Chicks are smart, motivated, real women who recognize that divorce has given them the opportunity to redesign a life on their terms that is empowering and fulfilling. Though her future may seem uncertain at times, she has a positive outlook and is willing to look outside of the box…even when it terrifies her! The Savvy Divorced Chick is inspired by other women’s stories, and is also an inspiration herself. She is social and enjoys being part of a positive, supportive community.

A Savvy Divorced Chick values personal development, and realizes it is the first step to making positive, lasting changes in all areas of her life. She is committed to creating a fun, adventurous, passionate life that is physically & emotionally healthy, financially secure, and professionally fulfilling. She is also committed to transforming & developing healthy, vibrant relationships in all areas of her life.

Life after divorce is truly a journey…and there are definitely challenges along the way. The Savvy Divorced Chick learns along the way how to grow from the pain, though, and realizes that only she has the power to actually create the family, the career, the relationships…the LIFE she wants!

Overcoming Procrastination in Your Life After Divorce

As divorced women, we’re juggling it all…family, household, finances, a profession, volunteering, even a social life. Life can get overwhelming, but at one time or another, we’ve all been hit by the procrastination bug…and intentionally put off things we really needed to do.

Procrastination can manifest itself in many forms, even as simple disguises such as TV and email. It can also show up for many reasons. Our internal barriers such as fear, anxiety, perfectionism, and indecision may surface and take over. In the end, though, procrastination never pays; in fact, it usually comes with a cost… affecting our achievements, bank accounts, reputation, self-esteem, even our credit score. Ultimately procrastination leads to stress and interferes with our happiness.

Procrastination doesn’t have to be a way of life, though. When it starts to affect your productivity, your relationships and even starts to cost you, it’s time to put a stop to it immediately! Overcoming procrastination means committing to moving forward and taking action even when you don’t feel like it. Though it will be a gradual effort and take practice, there are some simple steps we can all take to turn procrastination into productivity and perseverance…

Discover How & Why

The first place to start with resolving your procrastination issues is to get a clear picture of how you use your time and why you delay certain types of projects. Buy yourself a beautiful journal to encourage your positive, can-do attitude and keep a daily log of all your activities, including how long you spend on each. You will soon discover all the distractions and time-wasters that keep you from achieving your goals. In addition, list any activities you deliberately avoid accomplishing and journal about why. The sooner you become aware of your actions and the reasons behind them, the sooner you will be taking charge of your life.

Monetize Your Habit

We’ve all heard that time is money, but how much is your procrastination actually costing you? This can be an actual dollar amount or the cost of a lost opportunity. When you list those activities that you purposely put off in your journal, be sure to include what it costs you. Late bills cost you interest, affect your credit score and ultimately your ability to secure less expensive credit in the future. Insurance companies, mortgage companies, even future employers use your credit score to make their decisions. Prolonging projects at work, updating your resume, dealing with medical issues, car & home maintenance (just to name a few) will all “cost” you more in the long run.

Get Organized & Prioritize Your Goals

When you have systems in place at home and at work, it’s easier to keep yourself on track. Keep your list of projects or goals in one place, not scribbled on different sheets of paper. Create a daily planning system, either electronically or manually, and keep a detailed schedule of all your appointments. Then block off additional time daily to tackle the personal and professional projects you need and want to accomplish. Be sure to set realistic goals by priority, and give yourself a certain time limit to accomplish each. Share your goals with a friend or a coach and you will keep yourself accountable.

Just Get Started

Avoiding procrastination is more effective when we start with little steps. Break down each task or goal into smaller goals that can be systematically accomplished one at a time. Setting small, quickly achievable goals helps you avoid being overwhelmed, lets you quickly see success, and keeps you motivated until you have completed the whole project. It is amazing where many small steps taken together can lead!

Focus

Procrastination means losing precious time, wasting valuable resources, and missing life’s golden opportunities. All of this can be avoided by focusing on what your goals are and actually doing what it will take to accomplish them. It will require consistent  decisions and a continued commitment to avoid distractions and be in control of your own time. Before you get started on a project, make sure you have everything you need to avoid unnecessary interruptions.

Reward Yourself

This is the best part of being productive! Make sure you reward yourself once you have accomplished one of your projects…you deserve it!! Maybe even take part of the money you saved by not procrastinating and give yourself something special. Most importantly, though, be sure to spend some time each day doing the things you love to do so you can keep your momentum going, accomplish all you dream of, and live the life you truly deserve.

Living a life without procrastination doesn’t require a radical change; it just requires a decision. By overcoming procrastination you will experience a personal freedom and self-satisfaction you have probably not felt for a long time. Just imagine a life filled with strength, purpose and peace of mind…it is just a few actions away!

Next Page »