A Dose of Relationship Savvy…
It is inevitable that our relationships change after our divorce. Relationships may change with our in-laws because, after all, blood is thicker than water. Relationships may change with our friends…couples we may have spent time with may feel they need to choose between our former husband and us. Your relationship with your children may also change, depending on your final custody arrangements and the relationship you have with their father.
Some of these changes can leave you feeling badly about yourself , affect your self esteem, and create trust issues you may not have experienced before. You may find that your negative emotions take over and sabotage you. These are not issues that would be healthy to a new long-term relationship, and need to be faced head on.
While you need to adjust to these changing situations after your divorce, the best place to start in transforming your “Relationship Savvy” is with you! You may feel a real sense of loneliness and it may be tempting to jump into another intimate relationship, but give yourself the gift of time. Wouldn’t you rather be alone than in another bad relationship?
Use this time of transition to really get to know yourself again…it’s easy to get lost in the role of wife and mother. Rediscover some of your interests and put them back in your life, while also giving yourself an opportunity to discover some new interests and new friends. Be honest with yourself about your needs and desires, as well as your fears.
Open your mind to the possibilities in your life! As you do, you will start to feel a sense of optimism and happiness that may not have seemed possible as you went through your divorce. You will start to notice all the things that are good in your life, no matter how tough the situation. It is more fun to be around happy, optimistic people and you will ultimately start to attract them into your life as well.
Once you are able to open your mind, you will also open your heart and create the fulfilling relationships you deserve in your life!
Friday’s Dose of Relationship Savvy…
We haven’t been able to go into a store this past month without being bombarded by hanging cardboard hearts, candy displays, and rows of red & white cards. My former husband called it one of many “Hallmark Holidays” so it was never a super special day when I was married. As a result, I guess it’s never really bothered me since I’ve been divorced…I’ve made it a good excuse to make heart-shaped pancakes for my kids and pop little extra treats in their lunches or mail them something while away at college. Just an extra “I Love You!”
If you don’t have someone special to spend Valentine’s Day with other than your kids, don’t be disappointed…be your own Valentine! Find a way to pamper yourself a little this weekend either with girlfriends or on your own…a manicure, a massage, a bubble bath, your favorite movie, a girls nite out (or in) or even just a little quiet time to rejuvinate your spirit. Maybe even give a little of yourself to someone else. I recently read about a single mom who delivers a rose to other single moms she knows or are friends of friends. It’s an amazing feeling when you can give to others and see the smile on their face!
As single moms we have so little time to focus on ourselves, yet we need and deserve to! The most important relationship you can have is the one with yourself before you can have a positive, fulfilling relationship with anyone else.
I’d love to hear how you are celebrating with “Your Ultimate Valentine…You” this Valentine’s Day…